Grab my neck. Slowly. Kiss me with your eyes but don’t try to touch my skin with your hands. Try to match with my breath. You have begun to tremble, haven’t you?
Shut down your body and start to feel with your heart. I have told you many times that the closer you get, the harder you’ll find it to deal with the struggle within yourself. Now, we’re staying both naked here, in front of each other.
No clothes, no lies, no strings attached, just our pure souls, facing our actions. I never wanted to cry a river as I never intended to let you go. I wanted my heart to believe in yourself and you know that I have never trusted anyone the way I have trusted you.
I believed in a dream, I believed in a reality that was never coming to an end. We both thought that it was infinite,double-infinite, that’s how we called it and that it would last forever. And you know what’s really funny? We are still aware that even though we’re not together and we’re with different individuals, we love each other more and more with each day that passes.
I tried to forget you, my darling, but the more I was trying, the deeper I was feeling the pain. Do you know how hard it was for me to cope with what you had done? I surrendered myself with nothing. I mean, I was feeling like an outsider in my own life, everything was senseless and my whole world was falling apart.
Oblivion, that’s how I called it. The sin of the lover. I tried to stay away, but the more I was looking into my soul I was becoming more aware that I was yours more than mine and that frightened me like hell.
I am still paddling along the shore of my memories hoping to find an explanation for your behavior. Excuses are not necessary, my darling. I am not the one to be fooled here. That’s why I chose to give you the chance to make things better between us.
Silver linings, remember? Do you still know what that really is,right? A silver lining is a hopeful prospect in the midst of nowhere or, more poetical said, a light in the middle of a dark place. It is the candle that lightens your way through pain and struggle. I wanted to show you something I wrote before starting to go again in the present of our standing face to face. It is inspired by what you had done to me. Read it and reflect upon it.
Tremble your soul
And start to feel alive
‘Cause everything that hurts
Makes you feel so blind
To what you know is better
To choose from what you say
To stand within forever
To make him go away.
Tremble your voice
And start to whisper slowly
Your story of broken strings
That one that makes me worry.
Your deepest fear may straighten
Our bonds for now and then
To close your eyes forever
To never stop our reign.
I want to be forever
To claim your soul to me
To be in now or never
To let you be so free.
I want to be completed
By what they call love
‘Cause your smile is my essential
Forever is my world.
Do you see? Even though I tried to get rid of your memory,I couldn’t feel less completed than I do right now. When you left you desolated my soul, you took with you a part of myself which even if I try I cannot receive back. It is gone,but you’re still here and I don’t know how to act anymore.
I tried to manage being a sole person for a while. After a long time, I learned again how to be happy on my own, but to be honest, I have never felt the same intensity of happiness anymore. But now that you’re here, my darling, I cannot comprehend what my thoughts are like. My heart wants that passionate love that was once between us, but my mind tells me to stop where I am. I have to make a decision, but you know, even if I have always been the one capable of expressing them,that does not mean that I am able to deal with them.It is like playing with fire. If you don’t choose the right one, you can easily get burned. So, I am gonna ask you to do something for me. You owe me this.
I know that I told you not to touch me, but now, I need you to come closer. Just stay by my side. Don’t move,you don’t want to scatter the ashes of our love. Keep your breath for a while and look at me. Let your eyes be the draughtsman for your words. Let the feelings fulfill you and don’t be frightened.
I want you to put your hand over mine. I want to see if there is the same depth of emotions. If a single touch can trigger a whole history to present, then we are not lost. We can keep trying. We can survive because we still have each other. We can believe in silver linings and we can be positive again.
We can split our flesh from our bones and, likewise, we can divide in two separate halves. The former one is yourself and the latter one is your soul mate. Two parts becoming an unique whole. I don’t know if you really get it,my darling. But if you touch me with your fingertips and I still have the same sensation as a year ago,then we could tell the people around us that there is such a thing called true love.
A sinner or a saint, whichever you might be, your soul does not count along with your facts. It is a chamber that comes separately from what we really look like. It is the treasure from our inside. It is the infinite, for certain.